Aging in Place – What does that mean?

Posted by admin on February 24, 2010 · 1 Comment 

Aging In Place” is a senior care industry term for helping elderly remain in their home rather than live with family or go into assisted living. I hate this term. It sounds like leftovers rotting in the refrigerator. Who wants to do that?

We are all living longer than anybody expected. When Social Security was created, people retired at 65 and the government expected them to die by age 72 and they did! Not so, now. It is not unusual for people to live well beyond eighty and indeed the population of those 100+ continues to grow. In fact, futurists predict that by the middle of this century, living beyond 100 years will be the norm.

So if seniors want to remain at home, what exactly do they need to accomplish that? I’m here to tell you that aging in place is more than grab bars in the tub and Meals on Wheels delivery. Remaining at home doesn’t mean days filled with TV and solitaire either.

Let’s discard the term “aging in place” right now. I prefer using the term “Safe, Happy and Engaged In Life at Home”. No rotting in the fridge allowed. If your beloved senior is rotting at home, it’s time to make a change or move them somewhere else.

The term “use it or lose it” applies here in the very strictest sense. In this youth oriented world, seniors are made to feel irrelevant. With most of them non tech savvy, the internet makes them feel left out. The world is scarier now, crowds make them nervous and politics make them crazy. Without anyone to talk to, they can become very unsociable and even more reluctant to re engage in life. So what is the solution?

First of all, families of seniors have to be willing to look deeper into the lives that their elders are living. If they are slipping in to dementia, is it because they have nothing to do other than watch Jeopardy and play solitaire and nothing to think about or is it for organic reasons? I’m not entirely convinced that all dementia is organic. In my senior move management practice, I have seen many seniors blossom both physically and mentally when they are reconnected with the outside world. So can they be Safe, Happy and Engaged in Life at home? Maybe. It will take more than a visiting nurse and food delivery to accomplish it. Seniors need to BE in the world – participating at a Senior Community Center and taken to their beloved symphonies, lectures or theatre as well as interaction with younger people. A couple of basic classes on the internet wouldn’t hurt either! What fun to send emails to their grandchildren!

So much of their lost mobility is due to lack of exercise. A colleague of mine commented the other day that if she saw one more group of seniors playing balloon volleyball, she was going to scream. Seniors need physical activity too -from professionals – not just the activity director who is also in charge of arts and crafts. We have to remember that these little old wrinkled bodies once ran the world, indeed SAVED the world and still have a lot of show us and we owe them more than a life of Jeopardy and Solitaire at home.

If you have a loved one who wants to stay at home, make sure they are not rotting like leftovers in the fridge. If you choose to move them to assisted living, stay clear of balloon volleyball!

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Five Steps To Better Listening Skills

Posted by admin on February 5, 2010 · Leave a Comment 

There are some wonderful skills that once learned, enrich our lives forever. Learning to play a musical instrument and knowing how to speak a foreign language both come to mind.

There is another skill, that once mastered is truly invaluable in every aspect of life and business – the important skill of Listening.

In case you haven’t noticed, when we want to sell, convince, negotiate or win, we do most of the talking. When the ratio in talking is 80% YOU and 20% them, you’ve already lost the battle. A true dialog means exactly that: Half is you and the other half is them = 50%/50%.

So why do we do most of the talking? First of all, talking is easier than listening. It makes us think that we are in control. Besides, if we ask questions, we might not like the answers! Lopsided discussions often end in frustration, anger and failure. Here are Five Steps to Better Listening

1. Attitude Adjustment: Be willing to change the way you think. Instead of considering a conversation to be a challenge to “persuade”, consider it a mutual journey. There are signs along the way and the postings will come naturally if you let them. Pay attention to the words that are used and don’t assume you understand their definition of a term. Words can be very personal and idiocentric and cultural and not mean what you think. Ask for clarity.

2. Noise Reduction: Quiet the noise in your head. Few of us actually listen with full participation. How many times have you already been calculating the answer in your head and are just waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can speak! Stop thinking and just listen, with full attention, no voices in your head. Notice the other person’s body language, voice inflection, facial expressions as well as their word choices.

3. Reflect Back: When the other person has finished speaking, your reply should first and foremost be a ‘reflection” – that’s coach talk for repeating back to them what you thought you heard them say. It can be very surprising and humbling when you find out that you didn’t get what they just said. On the other hand, when you reach mutual agreement on what was actually said, everything changes.

4. Ego Removal: Let go of the notion that you have to be right. There’s a business saying – “Do you want to fill your ego or your bank account?” The result is not that you are right, but that the problem for both parties is solved to mutual satisfaction. It might not be the solution you thought you wanted but it will be the solution you really need.

5. Make it a Win Win: Once the other person realizes that you actually heard what they said, they will most likely relax, share and trust you. That’s when the true dialog begins. That’s when the real conversations take place. That’s when problems get solutions and you have a chance to make your sale, prove your point and get what you want. It’s a win win situation with potential for a deeper and more worthwhile (and profitable) relationship with your conversation partner who may be a customer, a loved one or an employee.

Learning how to truly listen will be the best gift you ever give to yourself and those you love work with and serve.

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